I always believe that time can really change everything. No matter what, we can't be sure that one thing will always stay where it was before.
I can't really explain this but this is true. I don't know when does it start but I do feel the change. I am starting to notice. I am starting to care. I am wondering.
I've been waiting long. Waiting long enough to heard my inner voice.
However, I still haven't received the message.
I am kinda lost and confused. I don't know whether I should give it a try or not.
I am scared. What if the whole thing just doesn't work? What if I screwed up everything? What if I hurt anyone?
After everything we've been through, I felt the sincerity. This is the thing that make me touched. No one has done that to me before. Maybe there was but it's just a different thing.
What will happen if I nod? What will happen if I don't?
I know that I am hurting someone already. I've been thinking for the whole year. I am just so undecisive. Maybe it's not worth worrying as it may be the past for someone.
I was wondering. Is it too late to start realising now?
I know it's too late right now. It's bullshit to start talking all these nonsenses right now.
All this while. No. All these years, I am inexperience. Inexperience in encounting all these. There's no one to tell me what to do. Even myself.
Sometimes I am just being selfish.
I know I shouldn't block your way. You have your own life and I have mine.
It has been countless night, I ended up tearing under my blanket till I fell asleep.
I have no guts to tell anyone. Or rather I don't know how to start telling people.
It's not that I don't trust them, it's just that I don't know how to tell.
What I know how to do is crying. Useless. I just don't have the courage to face my problems.
Sometimes it just feel so good to know that someone care for you. And I am the poor thing who do not know how to appreciate it. No matter what, thanks for everything and you know who you are. If I make you feel bad or anything, I apologize. Please don't be. Because I am the one who should be taking all this.
Please don't misunderstand me. I am not getting any sympathy here. I want to be strong. I just don't want to suppress my feelings anymore. I just want to tell everything and let everyone know about how I feel. Then jugde me. Any wise words are welcome. Be it privately or publicly. Just tell me. I want to know.
I am just flushing everything that I've kept for a long time. I felt so much better.
I know that I am being quite emo lately. I just couldn't help it.
But I promise, no matter what happen, I will keep smiling because this is the only way to make me believe that I am ok.
By the way, two more papers till freedom. ^^ No worries.
Am I being too extreme? I hope not. I guessed everyone will have a better view of me after reading this post. I am a girl with a lot of worries.
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3 months ago